i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have tasted many bathrooms
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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