Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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