woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
