I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
