dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
