After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize