im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
