what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
