the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
