I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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