pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
