$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize