Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
