I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
