google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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