I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
