2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
