Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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