I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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