So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
