just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize