Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
