she woke up with a sticky ear
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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