I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
