I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
