i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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