I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
