Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
