Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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