They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
