So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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