He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
