so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
