Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
