weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
