ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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