in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize