I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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