new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
