I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
