I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
