You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
