Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
