I can tuck mytits in my pants
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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