Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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