Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
