I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize