does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
