i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
