I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
