Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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