They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize