her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
