I want to make a zoo with you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
