if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
