Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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