NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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